Making Amends?

I watched “Girl on the Train”. This is the story of a woman who is an alcoholic. Now I’m not going to tell the story but an important thing, and the reason I’m writing this at all, happened to her. The character has recently gone to an AA meeting and may have learned about the steps including the one that is to make amends. She reaches out to apologize for something she did only to find out that what she had been told happened was not true at all. In effect, she had nothing to apologize for, at least in this case. 

It got me thinking, well more remembering. My brother was an alcoholic. I do not know how many times he “did the steps” of AA and it does not matter. He called me on Wednesday, March 31, 2010. I was driving but had a Bluetooth so there was no problem talking with him. As we talked, he apologized for “causing me trouble”. I loved my brother. I was lucky. My big brother was four years older. Many times, he made my life easier. When we were young, I was allowed to “go to” when he and his friends did things as long as I could keep up. He would then give me a leg up, hold a branch, take my hand for balance walking a log so I could keep up. Of course, they all liked it when I could and did climb the cherry tree. Being light I could reach the succulent Bing Cherries way up at the top and out on the thin branches.

His help did not stop as we grew older. When Glen and I were in a crisis, we rented my brother’s RV, so we had a place to live. Rent simply matched his payments. I loved my brother and knew he loved me. We did things for each other. We were there for each other even if sometimes it was extremely uncomfortable, and I would rather have not been there, but I was. Caused me trouble? Yes, he did but I loved him, and I know there were times I caused difficulties for him.

As we talked that day, Wednesday March 31, 2010 I had to pull over as I had started to cry. I’m glad that we had the chance to talk. I’m glad he had a chance to ask forgiveness and receive my assurance that everything was fine.

Good Friday, April 2, 2010 my brother died. We had no unfinished business.

Author: bdeshaw

Mom, Grandma, Puppy raiser for Canine Companions for Independence

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