One of ‘those’ days

It’s one of ‘those’ days. I can’t stay calm and am frequently on the edge or over it – crying. I’ve tried to find things to do, ways to ‘get calm’. It’s not working. I started thinking about what was making this a truly hard day. There is much about this day that should be joyous!

  • It is not raining
  • The sun is up
  • I slept well
  • Ann and I are doing music at Vespers this evening
  • I had a lovely latte with one of my favorite coffees and coconut milk

I could go on…Life is Good! And yet I find myself overwhelmed with sadness. So what is causing me issues today in particular?

Sure it has only been about two months since Glen’s death but in general I’ve been doing well. I recognize that in many ways I grieved Glen’s loss starting from when he was diagnosed with liver cancer so these two months have not been as hard, I think, as they could have been.

I was hoping to go to church, take time to settle and then do my usual things including Godly Play but I could not settle.

After getting back home I suddenly figured it out it’s been a few tough days and the next two weeks will be hard too.

  • there have been four services this weekend
  • one of these is a special friend but I could not face the services of any of them
  • The 18th would be our 45th wedding anniversary
  • my birthday is the 26th

but the big one – I was finishing off the thank you notes to folks who sent cards and the like. I am so grateful to those who sent cards and notes or attended the services. Doing the cards has been tough but fulfilling at the same time. I admit I’m glad I am done. Perhaps now I can settle and enjoy the day.

Author: bdeshaw

Mom, Grandma, Puppy raiser for Canine Companions for Independence

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